Who forgot the cat puke? This girl right here.

I’m in need of a time management boot camp like none other.  Somehow I manage to get about one thing done each day, usually cleaning the kitchen, about 4 times.  It’s like groundhog day around here and I never leave the damn kitchen.  At least it’s clean, right? 

My lack of time management, and the ability to accomplish more than the kitchen, was kindly pointed out by my husband.  There was a recent incident with the cat, and vomit, that led to this conversation but in my defense, I don’t get 10 minutes alone the entire day.  When you have 4 kids there is the high likelihood that someone is going to need something, pretty much all the time.  That is the reason I forgot to clean up the mess left my our sweet cat.  Just so you know, I did get it cleaned up after everyone, including my husband, was in bed. 

There was one time when I was working and I had 3 kids.  It was hard to balance it all.  I always felt as though I had no quality time with my kids, that I was constantly rushing around, constantly telling my kids to hurry up, fighting about who’s turn it was to work late, who’s turn it was to take or pick up the kids and I was pretty much exhausted all the time. 

So I had an idea.  It was the most brilliant idea I had ever come up with! 

I should stay home. 

Because, clearly, that would be waaaaay easier than working. Duh.  I’d have plenty of time to do laundry, clean the house, do fun craft projects with the kids, go on walks, play, enjoy life.  I could cook dinner every night.  I’d be a brand new woman with all of my extra time to do all of the things I had to squeeze in after work and on weekends. 

Let me just say, it certainly isn’t that simple.  I wish it were but after a year of staying home, and adding another kid to the mix, I’m still scrambling to get things done, to find time to actually play with my kids, to keep the house clean, to do the laundry, to plan a garage sale, to keep up with my blog, to find time for myself. 

I have friends who are working moms, friends who are stay at home moms.  I respect both equally because until you’ve done both jobs, you have no idea how challenging they both are.  I’m struggling to make my current job one that I am successful at and one that fills me with the validation that my paying job did. 

This is a fulltime gig.  There are no breaks.  There are no paid days off.  No company retreats.  And certainly no free tickets to concerts.  Hell, I can’t even leave work behind because I never get to leave.  I work 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  Which is why when my husband asks if I think I’ll go back to work after the kids are all in school (that’s 5 years from now, in case you were wondering) I laugh and say, “Are you effing kidding me?  That’s when this job will actually be easy.”  Duh.

From Martha, With Love…

More often then I’d like to admit I do things that really make me question if there is something wrong with me.  Like the day I found out that Alaska is actually connected to land, not an island as I had believed it to be.  I still say that’s  one of the best keeps secrets.  Ever. 

Anyhow, today was one of those days that left me scratching my head.

I had planned a fabulous lunch for my little punks of homemade chicken strips, which my kids love because they are awesome.  And I have to tell you, I was really looking forward to lunch today because these things really do rock and because there are many days I don’t even have lunch, so this was a treat indeed.   The problem with the chicken strips was that I was on the phone while preparing them so I may have been a little distracted (Scott, are you reading this?  It’s YOUR fault.  And it will forever be YOUR fault, so thanks a lot). 

I turned the stove on to warm up the oil (I never said these things were healthy, I said they were delicious) and went about slicing up the chicken breast and soaking them in buttermilk. 

When I finally get off the phone and walk back into the kitchen to get things cooking I see smoke coming out of my skillet (I thought it would be a great idea to put a lid on it to really get it going quickly) so I take the lid off and all hell breaks loose.  I probably failed to mention that for some reason (probably my BROTHER, hi brother!) I turned the burner on HIGH.  And I let the sucker warm up for probably 10 or 15 minutes, who knows, I was in the middle of a very important conversation. 

Any ideas what happened next?  Let me tell you.  The entire house filled with smoke.  The entire house.  And not just a little smoke but so much I couldn’t see through my kitchen.  Emmerson came down the stairs freaking out, Ryder however, was ready to party (I see rave’s in his future).  As quickly as I could I grabbed the skillet and made my way out to the deck.  Have you ever tried to move as fast as you possibly can with a skillet filled with oil that’s about to catch on fire?  I amazed myself with my keen sense of steady movement.  Just call me Steady Eddie because that’s who I am. 

After managing to get the screen door open with my wrist, while holding the heavy, boiling hot oil filled skillet, I set it down on the railing to cool.  Unfortunately the smoke continued to billow.  This would have been handy had I needed to send an SOS, however, that was not my intent today. 

Next I hurry inside to get the kids out of the house before Ryder has an asthma attack from his mama’s awesome cooking skills and we all wind up in the hospital with smoke inhalation.  Once I get them outside I run back in to open all the windows in the house and turn on every fan.  I even took some time to get a towel and wave it around.  That last move accomplished absolutely NOTHING so I gave up and went outside with my kids. 

After 10 minutes I went back inside to see how things are coming along in airing out the house only to find nothing was coming along.  Smoke everywhere and it smelled horrible.

So instead of the awesome chicken strips I had planned for lunch we ended up at McDonald’s where Ryder thought it was more fun to play on the floor than to eat, Cortland cried because he wanted to be held and Emmerson pouted because I told her she had to eat her food in order to open her stupid toy.

And I spent the rest of my afternoon trying to get the smell out of my house. 

Awesome. 

Much like the day my husband told me to  look at all of the turkeys and I said how cool they were only to figure out I was looking at geese.  In flight. 

Awesome.

I Survived New Buffalo, MI

Since you are reading this post it is evident that I survived 13 hours in the car with 4 punk kids and 1 husband who has a hairy case of road rage (hi honey).  I plan to get a t-shirt made to commiserate this feat.

I really can’t complain too much because for such a long drive my kids rocked.  We never even had to resort to bribery.  Or Nyquil, which I was sure would be necessary at some point.  The worst part of the drive ended up being the smell that was left in my suburban.  It may never recover. 

I’m so glad we braved the drive and made our way to Michigan City, IN and New Buffalo, MI.  So is Ryder.  He fell in love with Michigan and every time we drove across the border into Indiana he told us how he wanted to go to Michigan.  In fact, he’s still talking about it today. 

Things we got to do/see while in MI/IN:

My brother- in-law marry one of the sweetest, prettiest brides I’ve ever known. 

My daughter walk the isle as a flower girl.  So meticulous, she took her time placing petals precisely down the isle.

My hubs and his daddi-o in a tux.  It had been exactly 1 year and 2 days shy of a month to the last time I saw them in tuxes, at our wedding.  Sigh.  I love tuxes.

We danced our booty’s off at the reception of said bride and groom.

I got to slow dance with my hubs.  We should really do that more often, babe. 

Slow danced with my man-baby, Cortland.

Zach and Ryder got visit a hospital in the middle of the night to get an asthma attack under control.  So I didn’t experience this first hand, but it was easier to send them then to wake up everyone.  Have I mentioned that asthma SUCKS??? 

The effects of an adrenaline shot, mixed with a steroid shot and a dose of Tylenol with Codeine.  Have you ever seen a 2 year old on all this stuff?  What a freak.

Lake Michigan which is, well, enormous.  And beautiful. 

My kids run and play on the beach of Lake Michigan.  Too sweet.

Visit a fabulous outlet mall.  Have I ever told you that I love to shop?  That’s a fact that will never change.  Ever.

Meet some very sweet, fun new people who love my brother-in-law and his new bride very, very much.

Overall, I give this trip 8 stars out of a possible 10.  It lost points due to the asthma attack and the smell of my vehicle once we arrived home. 

Mack and Margie – your day was perfect and we are thankful to be part of it.  Thank you for letting us share in your joy.  Welcome to the family, Margie!!!

xoxo

Michigan City, Here We Come

We have less than 200 miles to go until we are in Michigan City, IN for my bil’s wedding.  We left yesterday morning and drove for 9 hours to Springfield, IL.  That was  fun.  Have you ever spent 9 hours in a car with a 9, 4, 2 and 2 month old?  If you’d like to experience it, let me know.  They’re available for rental. 

Truthfully, I’m surprised how well it’s gone.  Naps were had, movies were watched and snacks were consumed.  Lot’s of snacks.  If you know me, then you know that snacks make me happy.  And I don’t travel without them.  It seems I’ve passed this on to my children as well, so at one of our stops yesterday we spent $30 on snacks.  And no, there was nothing healthy in our snack bag. 

A little Applebee’s take out for dinner, followed by some pool time, completed the first leg of our trip. 

Zach’s brother is getting married tomorrow and he, and Emmerson, are in the wedding.  While they’re getting Mack married, I’ll be hanging with my boys, praying they can keep their little mouths shut for the ceremony.  Bribery may be in order tomorrow.  The kids are excited for the party because it seems, not only have I passed on my love of snacks to my children, but my love of dancing as well.  I’m so proud.  My motto:  shake whatcha mama gave ya.

We’re having fun now, mom.

Crashed.

Too much time in the car will make a guy crazy.

Hotels.  Such a party.

Here’s what Cort thinks about 9 hours in the car.

4 more hours?  WHY???

So, I Might Just Be a Total Success

First of all, I would like to tell you all that my husband came home EARLY from his elk hunt.  I would also like to point out that this is virtually unheard of.  However, I assure you, I’m not complaining.  Welcome home hubs.

Clearly we survived the 10 days he was gone and I am happy to report that I feel I did an exceptional job as a single mom.  Of course, there were days I considered going back to work but I hung in there and haven’t gotten myself a job.  Yet. 

I managed to, finally, find a routine for the punks and it has been almost peaceful.  Amazing how a routine makes us all work better around here.  Now I must master getting the husband to understand, and follow, the routine.  That could be a challenge but I’m determined to keep things running smoothly.  Emmerson is even taking naps every day and going to bed without any issues. 

Cortland is pretty much sleeping through the night now too.  He’s been joining us at bedtime for stories and then going to bed when Em and Ry do, meaning he’s sleeping from about 8:45 – 4 or 5am.  I feel as though I’ve conquered the world. 

The biggest news?  Ryder is rocking the potty training!  He’s staying dry throughout nap and at bedtime.  He can get to the bathroom all by his little self.  I’m a miracle worker.  It’s true!

In addition to getting my children to sleep like I want them to, as well as to stop using their underwear as a toilet, I’ve also proven that I excel at pulling weeds.  Don’t believe me?  Look at this:

Those are weeds people.  Lot’s of ‘em.  It’s a little gift my dad left us when we bought his house.  Very kind of him, don’t you think?  The best part of this gift is that it’s directly out my kitchen windows.  What a view. 

Yesterday, while all of my children napped, at the same time, for 3 hours, I decided I couldn’t take the view any longer. 

One trash can.  Full. 

You can’t even tell that I had made a dint at this point.  So I pulled.  And pulled.  And pulled.  And sweated a lot.  And maybe even cursed my dad.

I found this shovel underneath all of the weeds.  I’m still trying to figure out how long it’s been in there.  And if my dad ever wondered where it had gone. 

I’m a go-getter. 

It’s like a whole new world outside my windows.  A naked, new world.  Of course, I still have to get the Round-Up involved but I’d say this is an enormous improvement from what it was.

Unfortunately, I still have another corner to tackle. 

That will be a project for Zach.

Welcome home, honey.

My Little Monster

Yesterday Miss Emmerson started her first day of preschool (second year and we’ve moved to three days a week, instead of two.  Woot!  Woot!)  Little Miss Independent had no issue being dropped off and barely told me good-bye.  Welcoming back a routine has been the highlight of the week, besides the fact that Cortland is sleeping like, well, me. 

Before we left the house she told Ryder, “Ryder, I’m really going to miss you when I’m at school.  But I’ll be back.”  I have absolutely NO idea how she can go from that sweet to the “melt-down queen” in a matter of seconds. 

After we dropped Em off, the boys and I headed to PATs so Ryder could have a little “school time” too.  He did such a great job and was busy the entire time we were there.  It was when it was time to clean up for circle time that Ryder choose to show everyone how he not only rocks the ‘fro, but the meltdown as well. 

He had been holding on to a plastic lizard since the first 10 minutes we were there.  Oh, how he loved the lizard and I guess he thought we were going to take the lizard home, which was NOT the plan. 

He started out just whining about the lizard, “Mommy, I wuv the wizard.” 

“I know you do Ry, but we can’t take him home with us.  We need to leave him here so other kids can play with him.  You can play with him next time.”

“I don’t want to weave him mommy!”  He’s getting a little louder at this point.

“I know Ryder.  But we need to put him away so we can have circle time.  See all of your friends over there?”

“NO MOMMY!”

“Ryder, you have to put the lizard back.  It’s time for circle time and snack.  Let’s move it.”

“NO MOMMY!!!”

At this point I pick him up and we go into the hallway.  The tears are flowing.  He has a death grip on the lizard.  Come on kid.  Put the lizard down.  No one has to get hurt.  Work with me.  (There’s nothing like your kid having an enormous meltdown in front of 10 other kids and their mom’s to make you feel extremely confident as a parent.)  It’s a like a hostage situation gone horribly wrong.  And I’m totally botching the negotiations.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“I WUV THE WIZARD MOMMY!!!!!!”

“NO MOMMY!!!!!!”

I try my famous distraction technique. 

“Hey Ry, look!  The kids are having snack.  Don’t you want to have snack too?”

“I WANT THE WIZARD MOMMY!”

I’m sweating.  My heart is racing.  How in the hell am I going to get the lizard?  I have to get the lizard.  Clearly my distraction technique is a joke.

At this point a sweet lady (I think the director, maybe?  Wouldn’t that be my luck?  I’m sure our mug shots are hanging up with a note:  do not, under any circumstances, allow these two into future playgroups) comes over to help. 

She gives her best negotiating skills a try only to get HIT by my little monster.  That’s right.  To my absolute HORROR he hits her.  Not once either.  Every time she attempts to speak to him.  I’m mortified.  I consider leaving him there.  Finally, I make my move.  I lunge at him (thank goodness I worked out the day before.  I was ready for action.) taking him to the ground.  We wrestle.  I’m finally able to get the lizard from his sticky hands.  I run into the classroom and throw it into the bin before running back into the hallway.  We’ve got no time to lose here. 

Go!  Go!  Go! 

Sweet Stephanie is bringing a bag of crackers to him.  I quickly give her the cut throat sign.  It’s not my fault he carried the hostage situation throughout circle- time and snack.  Sorry Charlie.  I grab his hand, pick up the baby carrier and run down the hall.  All confidence in my parenting, and hostage negotiation, skills is lost.  Gone forever.  I’m a total fraud.

We then sit in car for seven minutes while the little monster refuses to buckle up.  I refuse to move.  The baby screams.  I sweat.  Ryder smirks.  Consider leaving him again when he finally buckles up and we’re able to leave. 

Well.  That was fun.  Can’t wait until next week.

SOS.

Zach’s been gone exactly 5 days and I’m pretty much over this whole “going at it alone” gig I’ve been handed.  How many husbands do you know that get to man-overboard their sweet, loving wives to elk hunt for 12 days while they’re home with the kids?  To date, I know of 3 since they are all hunting together.  I mean, seriously.  I couldn’t even get a hotel room for my birthday. 

With that said, I’ve been keeping the children occupied since he left with play dates, shopping, play doh and one sleep over in my bed gone bad.  Do you let your kids sleep with you?  Last night I had two in my bed and it made for about the worst night of sleep I’ve ever had.  Not to mention, now Ryder is upstairs yelling at me that he wants to ask me a question.  Wanna know what the question is?  “Mommy, I want to lay with you.”  First of all Ryder, that is not a question but a statement.  Second of all, there is no way in hell I can share my bed with you another night.  Now, be a good boy and go.  to.  sleep.  NOW.  Mommy has important things to do, like update her blog. 

We went to the cabin on Saturday which was fun for all.  Emmerson and Ryder wore their little selves out (don’t you love it when a plan comes together?) and I got some sun.  Hopefully, I didn’t burn anyone’s retina's while sunning myself. 

Nothing says lake fun like a bounce house, complete with slide. 

Today I took all three little punks to the Y so I could actually workout.  What a little treat for me, right?  Let me tell you something – getting the checked in for the first time was a complete cluster.  Why is there no information on the website about all the damn things you have to do in order to get ONE WHOLE HOUR TO YOURSELF???  I stand in line for about 5 minutes only to find out they have to have socks.  Of course, 2 are in flip-flops and Cort’s rolling barefoot.  Take all 3 kids to the front desk and purchase 3 pairs of socks.  Total?  $3.03.  Head back to the line and ask Emmerson and Ryder to put on their socks.  Emmerson puts on hers.  Ryder looks at me like I’ve asked him to give me the square root of 967.  Get up to the check-in only to find out they should have taken my picture at the front desk because without it I can’t pick up my kids.  I consider, for a moment, this might not be a bad thing.  Look down and Emmerson has taken off the socks.  Sometimes I think they just like to screw with me.  Get 4 socks on 4 little feet, hand them all over and run to class, which I am now 10 minutes late to.  Did I mention we left 20 minutes early and live about 3 minutes away?  Awesome.

I am thrilled to report tomorrow is Em’s first day of preschool (she went 2 days last year and is moving up to 3 days a week).  This means that 3 days a week I will only have 2 children for 2.5 hours.  GLORIOUS!!!  I’d also like to point out that next year Emmerson will be in Kindergarten and Ryder will start preschool.  Woot!  Woot!