a letter to my sweetest girl

My sweet girl - As I laid in bed with you last night as we said our prayers and "snuggled" for just one minute I was overcome with emotion that has happened so many times since you were born.  I laid there taking in your beautiful face, loving the feel of your arms wrapped so tightly around me and thanking GOD that He gave me you. 

I can't believe how quickly you are growing and learning.  I can distinctlly remember the feel of you in my arms as I fed you a bottle and rocked you to sleep when you were only months old.  You were tiny and helpless and needed me for everything in your life.  Mulitple times a day you now tell me, "No MOM!  I can do it myself!"  And you do.  You are quickly learning to depend on yourself and while I know you have to, I still feel a twinge in my heart each time you tell me no.  You've gone from size newborn to size 3T already and I know the next 15 years are going to pass all to fast.  How is it possible that my little baby is already 3 years old?  You can even hold up your fingers to show how old you are (and I love that you ask me to help you count them). 

You are sweet and loving, kind and funny, stubborn and determined, smart and sassy, bratty at times and love to scream to get your way, and I wouldn't change a thing.  You have a love of reading, much like your momma and you absolutely LOVE to play dress up.  In fact, you married your brother two nights ago and asked me to be your prince.  You are everything girl - wearing dresses is your favorite thing - and I love to watch you shake your fanny when you dance. 

Preschool starts next week and I cannot believe my little girl is big enough to start preschool.  I am so excited for what it will bring and somewhat heart-broken that it is already here.  I know you are going to learn so many things and that you will make new friends and have so much fun (hello pumkin patch!) and that makes my heart so hopeful for your future.  This is the beginning of so many new things for you and I am excited to watch you as you continue to grow and learn. 

I pray that I raise you to have enough self-esteem and confidence to be a strong woman.  I pray that I am able to teach you the morals and values I deem valuable and that you are convicted enough in those morals and values that you will consider them in the choices you make.  I pray that I help you develop a relationship with GOD and that you continue to nuture that relationship, even when I am with you.  I pray that you will always know how you make my heart feel as though it will burst from loving you so much.  And I pray that one day you will have children of your own so you can understand what it is like to love someone so unconditionally and so deeply that you feel that love in your bones.  You are so much a part of me, sweet girl, and you have brought so much joy and happiness and love into my life that I cannot imagine a life without you or before you.  I thank GOD every single day for you. 

As I traced the outline of your face as we laid there I cried knowing that you are the most precious gift from GOD and that I was chosen to love you all the days of your life.  I will always believe in you, love you, support you, lift you up, listen to you, laugh and cry with you, love you more than humanly possible, I will always want the best for you and I will always believe you are too good. 

You are my sweetest girl.  I love you, Emmerson Lee.

I have been studying the Purpose Driven Life and I am thankful I have given myself such a gift. I have always been a believer in GOD but I have not always nurtured my relationship with Him and this is certainly helping me to do just that!

In case you don't know me I should tell you that I did not grow up going to church. It wasn't that my parents didn't believe, I guess they just never felt they needed to belong to a church. It was always a treat for me to spend the night with friends who "had to go to church" since I never got to go regularly. During my teen years I thought it admirable my parents would "allow me to decide what my beliefs were and what religion suited me best", however now I move forward with nothing to build upon. And that really kind of stinks. So I am doing my best to educate myself with the bible and to live my life for Him. I struggle with attending church regularly, even though I know what a difference it makes in my life. And I want my children to have a solid foundation in which to grow their own relationships with GOD.

So I've started the Purpose Driven Life. And I am working to make it a daily priority so that I can put into practice and truly start living my life for Him. Today I made my way back to church and the sermon was wonderful. Before we got started I wrote down in my journal, "how can I serve my church?". Guess what the sermon was about? Serving. I am always amazed how the sermon completely relates to me and where I am in my life.

Here is the Day #2 verse to remember for the PDL:
"I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born." -Isaiah 44:2

Day #3:
"You, LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." -Isaiah 26:3

I am working to become the Christan woman I know want to be...I don't expect this to happen overnight, nor to I expect this to be without challenges. I do know that it is important to me to be the best person I am capable and to live my life for GOD.

What are ways you nurture your relationship with GOD?

I hope you are enjoying your Sunday...have a wonderful week!

Terrible 2's...already?

It is 4:09am and I am awake. Wide awake. A big thanks to Ryder who woke me up at 1 and would not go back to sleep until approximately 30 minutes ago. I don't know what's going on with him but sleeping has not been without issues since Saturday. The baby who has gone right to bed and slept through the night for as long as I can remember now screams his head off when you lay him down. And clearly, he's over sleeping through the night. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to get him back on track? Being bright eyed and bushy tailed at 4am is not my idea of a good time.

With that said, I'd also like to take a moment to let you all know that, although Ryder is not yet 2, we have definitely entered the terrible 2's. I like to tell myself that it is simply because he does not have an elaborate vocabulary ... surely he's still as sweet as he ever was, right? It's just hidden beneath his frustration. Even though he's becoming a little terror I love that little man more than I thought possible.

Since football season has begun (Zach is coaching Aidan's team and I am the proud team mom) we are gone 3 nights a week so I have put my crock pot into good use already. Typically, I don't tend to use it much during the summer but it's too late to whip up a good dinner at 8pm so it has been extremely handy. Tonight I made beef stroganoff and it was, by far, the best I've ever made. Everyone cleaned their plates and Aidan even to some to go. You know it's good when the pickiest eater in the house likes it! If anyone would like the recipe let me know and I'll post it. Tomorrow we're onto taco soup. I'll let you know if it's a hit.

About a year ago I bought the "Purpose Driven Life" book and journal. I did pretty good for about 3 days and then it went wayside. However, I've committed myself to starting over and completeing this 40 day spiritual journey. I am excited for this transformation as I know it will be uplifting and inspiring and will strengthen my relationship with God. I'll leave you with the daily verse to remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b

Good night. Or good morning to you early birds.

It's a fabulous Monday!

I want to ask for prayers for Zach's uncle Kevin who was diagnosed with brain cancer almost 2 years ago. Last week he wasn't feeling well and then started having trouble walking. After an MRI they discovered another brain tumor that the doctor's don't know if they will be able to operate on. He has been cancer-free for the last year so this is a major setback. Kevin's spirits are low right now and he isn't sure he wants to fight, if the doctor's think he is able. Please pray for comfort and strength and that his children are able to accept any decision he makes.

Aidan started 3rd grade today & I am hopeful we are going to have a good year. We had some challenges last year with listening, following directions and not speaking out of turn/ interrupting. I am praying that we do not have to have a behavior contract this year and that things go more smoothly than in 2nd grade.

So today is my first day home with the babies and it has been a wonderful morning...they can be such sweet reminders why I decided to quit my job to stay home. I love being home with them, even on days when they are challenging at best. I am looking forward to the routine that the school year offers and making the most of being home with them.

I have some projects planned for the next couple of months (we started working on the fence this weekend and got a good portion replaced) - I want to paint and re-decorate the living room, create a craft area in the basement (this one may be the most work of all), replace some windows as well as finish replacing the fence (which I hope we can have done over the next couple of weeks). Oh! And I'd really like to get the fireplace done as well (which will be a huge project in itself since it means tearing down a wall...yikes). I really love our home but there are so many things that we could be doing to it and we don't know how long we'll stay here which makes it difficult to know how much time, effort and money we want to invest in it! At any rate, I am trying to stay focused and work on one project at a time since that will be the only way I am going to make sure they are completed.

Zach is leaving for his annual elk hunt in less than a month. I am really excited for him as he finally drew a tag for Wyoming which is something he has been wanting for years. He'll be gone with one of his best friends for almost 2 weeks and I really want to surprise him with a couple of projects being completed when he gets home. I also plan to treat myself to a girls night out, as well as a dinner date with my dad. Last year he took me to Chester's Chop House and we had an incredible dinner as well as some delicious wine. Hopefully Zach's elk hunt is a success and he comes home with a big one - this is something that is really important to him so I would love to see him accomplish this goal.

Hope you are having a day that is as nice as ours has been!

Quick Relay Update

So Relay officially kicked my ass. Was up for 24 hours straight & walked more miles in one night than I have in the last month but I survived and it felt great to work so hard for such a great cause. I have committed some team members from 2009 to walk again next year & we have some great ideas for fundraisers, as well as a much better way to split the team & walk. Thank you to my friends for helping make it such a success. You're legs are very much appreciated, as well as the money you helped raise. A shout out to Aimee, Jen, Dad, Sheryl, Marcus, Ashley, Zach, Diane, Aaron & Brandi & my bro Scotty. You guys ROCK! I am already looking forward to next year!

Today marks the official last week of summer. It seems impossible that school starts next week but I have to admit I am looking forward to getting into a routine, as well as establishing some me-only time. Oh, & Ryder & I will have some bonding time too since Em will be starting pre-school in September (I still can't figure out how that is even possible. Didn't I just bring her home from the hospital?!) Looking forward to spending the week in the pool, as well as a trip to the zoo and possibly a movie date with Stink.

I know this is mucho short but need to get some things done before thing 1 & thing 2 wake up from their nappy-nappy's. Later.

Relay for Life...Tomorrow is the DAY!

Yes, yes I know. I kinda suck ass at this blogging thing. Whatev. If anyone really gave a care you would stand up & voice your complaints, but so far, the 3 followers this blogger has don't give a rats ass whether or not I'm blogging. So thanks for letting me suck. Now, on to better things....

Tomorrow is Relay for Life. And this is really a big deal for me. If you know me than you know I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago when she was only 56. And you also know that she was diagnosed in January & passed away in May. And you also know that my mom rocked. Plain and simple.

I really wanted to do Relay the year she passed away but I was such an emotional train wreck that I just couldn't do it. It was like every time I thought about doing it I cried. You know the song, I Hope You Dance? Some team used it as their theme that year and I completely relate it to Relay/my mom's death to this day. And it makes my eyes water every effin' time I hear it. Still.

I just feel good knowing that I am doing something to HELP. I guess this is my way of doing something for my mom. Of doing what I can to stop a disease that knows NO boundaries. My dad & I went to Relay for the first time last year & we decided as we walked the track during the luminaries that we would form a team this year. So that's what we've done. 9 of us. Raising money. Walking our asses off. Hopefully having enough fun that they will agree to do it again next year.

I keep getting all emotional tonight...I know what cancer can do. I know what it is capable of and unless you've had an encounter with the bastard, you really don't have a clue. But it's out there & at some point everyone will be touched by it. Because it doesn't care what you do for living, what you drive, whether or not your a mother, a daughter, an adult or a child. So this is my way of fighting back. Of honoring my mom. And it feels so good to be doing something.

I'm so excited for tomorrow...for the hope that Relay represents. For sharing the evening with people who are choosing to do something. To celebrate. Remember. And to fight.

Good night friends.